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Somebody is missing a C

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"My boss told me to update the sign, but I ran out of letters"
"My boss told me to update the sign, but I ran out of letters"

Oh those funny signs that people think up...or just happen by chance.

Was this intentional by a disgruntled Wendy's employee or was it the wind that took the extra letter to Kansas?

Yet another example of why all the signs should be electronic. They, unlike Wheel of Fortune, have unlimited letters, and don't require a ladder.

But they're easier to hack.

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The best Chuck Norris Jokes, er, Chuck Norris Facts.

Chuck Norris is a legend. Chuck norris Jokes are known as Chuck Norris Facts, because you just can't dispute them. Ever. These are the best.

  1. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
  2. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  3. A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
  4. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  5. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
  6. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
  7. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
  8. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
  9. An apple a day keeps Chuck Norris away.
  10. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
  11. Australia was a part of Texas until Chuck Norris round house kicked them half way around the world for talking funny.
  12. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
  13. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
  14. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
  15. Champions eat wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats champions for breakfast.
  16. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
  17. Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
  18. Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  19. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
  20. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  21. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  22. Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
  23. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  24. Chuck Norris can beat the masterhand in a thumb wrestle.
  25. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
  26. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
  27. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
  28. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  29. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  30. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
  31. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  32. Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
  33. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
  34. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
  35. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  36. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
  37. Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
  38. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
  39. Chuck Norris can run a 3-legged race by himself.
  40. Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.
  41. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
  42. Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
  43. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
  44. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  45. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  46. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  47. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  48. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  49. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all that blood is dark red.
  50. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  51. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  52. Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds.
  53. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
  54. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
  55. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  56. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
  57. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
  58. Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
  59. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
  60. Chuck Norris doesn't teabag , he potato-sacks.
  61. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
  62. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because theres no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
  63. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
  64. Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.
  65. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
  66. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
  67. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  68. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
  69. Chuck Norris drops the soap in the shower, for the fun of it.
  70. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and craps them out transformed into a robot.
  71. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
  72. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
  73. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
  74. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  75. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  76. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life...unless it gets in his way.
  77. Chuck Norris has eyes in the back of YOUR head.
  78. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  79. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  80. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
  81. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  82. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
  83. Chuck Norris invented water.
  84. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
  85. Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
  86. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  87. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
  88. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  89. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  90. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
  91. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
  92. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
  93. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
  94. Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
  95. Chuck Norris keeps 45% of the worlds medical staff employed.
  96. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion, now Neo is "The Two"
  97. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
  98. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
  99. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
  100. Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
  101. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  102. Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.
  103. Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.
  104. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  105. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  106. Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
  107. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  108. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
  109. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
  110. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
  111. Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
  112. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
  113. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
  114. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
  115. Chuck Norris once tried surfing. The following day the National Weather Service created the Tsunami Warning Center.
  116. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
  117. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
  118. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
  119. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
  120. Chuck Norris once went to Mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.
  121. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
  122. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  123. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  124. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
  125. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
  126. Chuck Norris see-saws by himself.
  127. Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
  128. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  129. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  130. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
  131. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
  132. Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  133. Chuck Norris uses dry ice in all of his drinks.
  134. Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
  135. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  136. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
  137. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
  138. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
  139. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
  140. Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
  141. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.
  142. Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord
  143. Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
  144. Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
  145. Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
  146. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  147. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  148. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
  149. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
  150. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
  151. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  152. Everyone who wakes up on Christmas morning gets a Christmas present from Chuck Norris. The fact that they are allowed to wake up on Christmas morning.
  153. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  154. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
  155. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
  156. Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
  157. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
  158. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down
  159. If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
  160. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
  161. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
  162. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
  163. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  164. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  165. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  166. If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
  167. If you swallow a quarter and Chuck Norris round house kicks you in the stomach you will crap out two dimes and a nickel.
  168. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  169. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  170. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
  171. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
  172. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
  173. Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
  174. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
  175. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  176. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  177. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  178. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
  179. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  180. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  181. Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
  182. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  183. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
  184. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
  185. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  186. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  187. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
  188. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
  189. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
  190. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.
  191. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  192. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
  193. Saying "Chuck Norris" after your opponent says "Check Mate" in the game of Chess, instantly makes you the winner.
  194. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1 CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  195. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
  196. Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
  197. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
  198. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  199. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
  200. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
  201. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  202. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
  203. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  204. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
  205. The Grim Reaper handed Chuck Norris a sharpie and said, "Just tell me what to do."
  206. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  207. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  208. The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
  209. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
  210. The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favorite coffee mug.
  211. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
  212. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  213. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
  214. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  215. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  216. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  217. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
  218. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  219. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
  220. Tough men eat nails. Chuck Norris does all his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
  221. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  222. When a normal human drinks Red Bull, they get wings. When Chuck Norris drinks Red Bull, there are no survivors.
  223. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  224. When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"
  225. When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
  226. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  227. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  228. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  229. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
  230. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  231. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
  232. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
  233. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  234. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  235. When Chuck Norris throw a boomerang, it's afraid to return.
  236. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
  237. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
  238. When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
  239. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.
  240. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
  241. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
  242. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money.
  243. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
  244. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
  245. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  246. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
  247. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

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The WTF bed

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"Oh I'm totally going to hit it with this chick in my awesome bed" --Stanley VanDornecus
"Oh I'm totally going to hit it with this chick in my awesome bed" --Stanley VanDornecus

Really, the whole FUD thing is getting out of control.

How is this bed going to protect you from anything, other than getting some action?

I wonder if it comes in a California king...uh...never mind.

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The smart kangaroo

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up.

Again he got out. This continued for a few days, each time the fence became taller and taller.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "As high as they can go, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

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