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Preacher's Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00 This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day.

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We're Making Babies

Dad came home one day in an exceptionally horny mood and took his wife upstairs for sex.  Just when they were really getting into it, their young son entered the room and started to cry.

"What's wrong, son?" the father asked.  "Why are you crying?"

"You're hurting my mommy," the little boy replied.

"No, no," the father reassured, "I'm not hurting her.  We are making babies."

This seemed to calm the boy, and when he left the room the couple went back to their business.

The next day the father came home from work and found his son on the steps, crying.

"What's the matter NOW?" asked Dad.

His son replied, "It's those babies you were making with mommy yesterday.  The mailman is upstairs eating them!"

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Top 10 Reasons It Sucks To Be A Penis

10. You've got a hole in your head.

9.  Your master strangles you all the time.

8.  Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.

7.  You shrink in cold water.

6.  You never get a haircut.

5.  You always hang around with 2 nuts.

4.  Your closest neighbor is an asshole.

3.  Your best friend is a pussy.

2.  Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a penis:

1.  Everytime you get excited, you throw up.

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Mickey Gets Divorced

Minnie and Mickey were getting a divorce. The judge says to Mickey, "Mickey, why do you want to divorce Minnie?" Mickey replies, "It's kind of embarrassing, can I tell you in private?"

The judge agrees and Mickey walks up to him and whispers in his ear.

The Judge looks at him and says, "Just because she's funny doesn't mean you have to divorce her."

Mickey said, "I never said she was funny, I said she's fucking Goofy!"

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